#Those that get me

[holnnetd]

Catfisher!König Part 2

Part 1, ..., Part 3, Part 4(I swear it will come. Someday.)

Warning: Suggestive content, brief mentions of pornography, a little misogyny, low-key incel behaviour, a lot of lingerie talk, just two guys being losers, please be 18 or older if you read this, or just don't tell me you're minor, I can't stop you from going anything tbh.

This is only fiction, please remember.

Ding!

Ding!

Ding!

Your phone has been going off for this whole time. It must be extremely important when someone starts sending you messages at 11 pm on a Friday night.

You come out of the shower, hair wrapped in a towel, (unless you don't have hair, in which case idk what to do) and another one around your body.

You got lucky enough to get a dorm on campus with no roommates. Bless god for that scholarship. Dorms are expensive!

Glancing at your phone you check what might be so important, only to see that it's a follow request on your Postagram. (Idk, I'm scared I will get copy righted when I forget that this fic exists)

You open your phone, glancing at the account. The profile pictures shows no face, but a fairly cute cat picture. Whatever.

Alexandria.69 viewed your profile

Alexandria.69 wants to follow you

Alexandria.69 wants to send you a message

That's... A creative name. For sure...

You tap on the icon and glance through the profile. 8 followers from faceless account and following 37 accounts. Mostly singers and political figures.

The only pictures posted is from 2 days ago. It's a selfie from a high angle and a cropped off face in a summer outfit.

Seems to be a new account, maybe she's new to Postagram. Yeah, seems about right.

You tap 'accept' and answer the message she sent. Worst case scenario it's just a scam. What could possibly happen?

Well, that was a dry text for sure...

Whatever. You get a weird feeling about that anyway, 8 faceless accounts is a suspicious smount. You tap off of Postagram and place your phone away to fully dry yourself off.

Yet the black screen on your phone doesn't stay for a long time as you get another,

Ding!

You got a message from Alexandria.69

You turn to glance back at your phone, debating if you want to keep on chatting with this oddly uncanny account.

But you prioritise changing into something more comfortable and plop onto your bed, quickly crawling under the covers before finally deciding to check what she wr-

Ding!

You have 2 unread messages from Alexandria.69

Ah... just as you reached for your phone, too. It's really rude to interrupt the narrat-

Ding!

Layla send a message

Well, at least it's not that strange account anymore. And you open the text from Layla, a close friend, checking what she send.

"Geez! We're having a blast man, you can still come" she texted, then attached a picture of her and 4 other girls from your class, all drinking and probably at the club, guys behind them, hands going to place they'd normally get slapped for touching...

Ever heard of FOMO? Fear of missing out? It's funny how strong it gets, even if you believe to be alright alone.

"Nah, I'm already in bed" you answer, not bothering to go out clubbing tonight.

Ding!

You have 3 unread messages from Alexandria.69

Okay, what the hell does she want?

"We have some mutuals actually 😊"

"You know Layla right?"

"The red head, I mean."

Well, that's attention grabbing.

And with sone hesitation you type back "Layla, yeah", the message being seen immediately. Seems like she doesn't have much else to do but chat with friends of friends, hm?

"She said you're like good with guys?"

A message came back and it baffled you at the boldness. Maybe confused a little.

Uh... that's an interesting comment to make. Good with guys? Is that what your best friends is saying about you to others?

"Well, I guess?"

You tap, thumb hovering over the sent button before pressing it, now interested where this conversation might go.

"It's embarrassing to say"

"but I have issues with talking to boys and uhm, I"

"Uh... could you help me out?"

That's... A little pathetic, but everyone has to start somewhere?

And it's not like you have much better things to do. Your friends are out, getting laid and you are stuck in bed, chatting with a girl that knows your friend?

"I think so?"

"Oh my god, really? Thank you so much!"

That's a little sad, asking a girl you don't know about advise on guys. But girls support girls.

"Do you have a crush?"

"Oh, yes. He's handsome but I don't know how I should make him notice me"

"He says I dress weirdly."

Well, then drop him. Please, have some self respect.

"Alex, sweetie, if he doesn't like how you wear your clothes then don't change for him."

You try to give advice she will find useful, or supportive, pretty oblivious to the fact that Alexandria is actually Alexander. And not just any Alexander.

Alexander Kilgore, the very same classmate that makes snide remarks about your looks.

"Oh come on. Cooperate a little." He gruffs out, tapping on his phone again.

"I know, but I really want him to like me."

"Jeez, needy cunt. You're really doing too much." Rody scoffs, looking at Königs Phone Screen, both of them trying to lure you into a sense of comfort. Well, König wants to do that. Rody is just here to make sure the big guy doesn't fuck up. Which he already did by calling himself Alexandria.69.

Like really? His name but gender swapped and threw in a 69? Please...

"I don't know how to dress up to catch his attention! I want to wear something more revealing."

He writes, instantly getting a hit on the back from Rody. "Jesus, pushy much? No woman straight up texts other women "yeah, I want to fuck him, help me find something to wear so he wants to fuck me too", you uncultured bastard."

König huffs at him, glancing onto his screen as you start typing back.

"Well, if that's really what you want."

You're not going to argue with a stranger about what she wears. It's not like you know her. It's not like you that she's not a her.

"Try wearing something low-cut. Maybe flash your cleavage? You could wear some lingerie under loose clothes and 'accidentally' stretch a little to show it off?"

Alex stares at the message, reading through it several times with huge eyes. That's really what you are telling to a girl on how to grab her crushes attention?

Now he wonders if you're doing that too to grab your crushes attention. "Shit, I knew she's hot, but that's a little freaky." Rody laughs, getting this time a jab from König.

"Lingerie? Which one? I don't know what would look sexy enough. Do you have some recommendations?"

The two guys sit on Königs bed, staring at the phone like two teenage girls writing to a crush.

"Well... Most men like red. But you can't go wrong with white or black, really. I have some red sets."

That send König into a blushing fit. Fucking pathetic. Please, he watches weird hardcore porn but gets flustered when a woman talks about lingerie.

"Oh thank you!"

Rody texts instead, quickly clicking off of Postagram to ensure König don't milk this newly found communication method.

For now, you don't suspect that it's actually a pathetic virgin loser writing as a girl, hoping to get some more information out of you, maybe a picture he can jack off to. God, that would be fucking hot. He wishes to have even a single picture of you, and your posts are too covered!

All while you sit in your bed, confused about the conversation. That was... interesting to say the least. But whatever. Some girls are just awkward, surely theres nothing more to it.

Yeah.

[knockknockwhosthereartistism]

The worst trauma comes from those who you love

[kensatou]

MONKEY MAN (2024)

[runawaymarbles]

The midjourney stuff just reminds of when we were trying to find a new platform to host the ao3 donation form, and companies kept trying to tell me about all their "ai" features that would track donor engagement, and figure out the optimal pattern to email individual donors asking for follow up donations, and all the ways they suggest we manipulate people into staying on our websites. It was a great way to filter out who either wasn't listening to us when we described our ethics and donor base, or just didn't believe us.

Now granted ao3 is a unique case based on a) the amount of page views we get in any given time period and b) the fact that most donors absolutely do Not want to be identified as such anywhere, (the default "list of recent donors" module got nuked Immediately) but it surprised me some that the concept of "donors who value their privacy and would be furious at even the whiff of AI" is unique. Some of us really are just existing in different worlds.

[midnight-coffee94]

No single line has ever wrecked me as hard as this one from the Good Place and I think about it constantly

[inbabylontheywept]

so i left the mormon church as a teenager (15ish? 16?), but stayed in attendance until i was 20. i was pretty up front about the whole deciding-it-wasnt-true process with my bishop, who frankly took it really well, but it wasnt like i pulled all 150 ward members aside and had a heart to heart with them. anyway, i didnt believe, so at 19 i didnt go on a mission, and while some people in the ward were totally fine with that, others werent. and there was one woman in her late 50s who pulled me aside one day to interrogate me why i hadnt gone on a mission.

"the duty of every young man" she said.

and the thing is, im autistic. and a lot of people assume that when youre autistic, your social skills just arent very good. but thats not exactly true. your Be Polite skills are kind of eh, and they tend to stay that way, but as a sort of survival mechanism your Be Rude skills become amazing simply because you get put in tons of situations where your choices are to Function or Be Polite. and no one can choose Be Polite forever. the world demands function, it merely encourages politeness.

anyway, it can really catch neurotypicals by surprise, because hey, heres this kind of awkward, graceless guy, who stumbles over his words a lot and is very apologetic. hes probably a huge pushover. but i'm only like that when we're playing The Polite Game, because i am frankly kind of bad at it. but when its time to play The Rude Game, i go fucking ham and asking about the not-going-on-a-mission thing is Super Rude. so i said:

"sister hadlock... they wont let me go because i lit-er-ally cannot stop sucking dicks. i dont know why, its just so, so hard."

*dramatic pause*

"also - its very difficult to stop."

anyway, it almost killed her. i think she'd expected to just kind of steamroll me for the entire conversation, but the answer crushed her soul. instead of continuing her interrogation she made a noise like a horse drowning in a bog and left.

to add insult to injury, she went to the bishop after that, thinking he'd chew me out for being an ass, but instead he chewed her out for not minding her own business. then she went to my parents after that, who basically went "yeah, babylon was pretty rude. but youre also pretty rude. what are you, mad that he's better at it than you?"

i really loved that ward.

[jvlianbashir]

"haha these alpha trad men really just have dom/sub kinks!" i know misogyny isn't real to a lot of you guys but did you know that some people just actually do genuinely think women are inferior creatures

[overlymetaromantic]

Dungeon Meshi, or as I like to call it, Marcille's-increasingly-difficult-to-ignore-revelations-that-her-endless-devotion-to-Falin-may-in-fact-be-more-rooted-in-lesbianism-than-she-originally-thought

[catsharky]

Create cool summer treats for your vampire with this one neat trick

[me-beef]

@strangeravatar made a great point

i was gonna focus on the spike-hotboxing-celestia aspect but i got distracted somewhere along the way and i think i forgot what joke i was trying to make

but dont you think its interesting how many guards of the exact same color/body type she's managed to accrue?? i do

ooohh you want to go look at our stickers so bad

[hyunpic]

fluffjin..

[cozylittleartblog]

not that we didn't already Know belos was full of shit, but it's even funnier knowing the titan was still alive the whole time and probably judging him

[the-meme-monarch]

thought ‘what if the vintage skins were more in line with actual 1930’s cartoons design sensibilities’ and promptly went mental. plus a bonus two-tone dandy ! since he’s not playable and all

so some things i learned as i was doing this:

-solo cups were not invented until the 70s, so scraps has a tin can as part of her tail instead

-hoodies WERE invented in the 30s but were generally worn by warehouse workers bc of the cold. they didn’t get worn by the general public until the 70s, so toodles and cosmo are Not wearing them

-leg warmers were invented in the 40s but also didn’t get popular until the 70s so glisten’s legs get to be naked. sad !

-GASHAPONS WEREN’T INVENTED UNTIL THE 60s. GIGI SHOULDN’T EVEN EXIST HERE. BUT I DIDN’T FIND THAT OUT UNTIL I WAS DONE DRAWING ALL THIS. OOPS !!!

other than that it was just a lot of ‘put gloves and/or shoes and/or pants on them. sometimes noses’

under the cut is All of them together and then also the sketch :]

[starcurtain]

Please someone redraw this with Dr. Ratio and Aventurine because this is the exact vibe they have in my head post-Penacony.

[kensatou]

if nothing else can save america this zero-year-old fairy baby otter with no gender can. chiitan's platform is love. and chaos.

[1alchemistart]

dont got much to offer for The Holiday but have these sillies!

happy valentines day :D